Strawberry Panties
by hikachu
Summary: The ridiculous amount of idiocy and bad pick-up lines makes Ange's head spin. AU; some AmaAnge; for Small Bombs.


**note** This story takes place in the same universe as Small Bombs' student!Battler/teacher!Beato fic, the fourth chapter of _The hidden Fragment_, which you all should read because it's awesome.

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"Are you waiting for your boyfriend?"

Ange's eyes widen at the question and she tilts her head back to look at the stranger (she'd rather ignore idiots, really, but there's nothing she can do to prevent her body from spontaneously responding to external inputs, whether they come from idiots or not).

So, there is this huge guy looking at her in a way Ange doesn't like at all. He has this stupid smile plastered on his stupid face which reminds her a bit of Battler, except Battler's smile is more open and definitely stupider (but in a good way).

"I'm waiting for my brother," she says, and usually, you know, she would never reply to an idiot she doesn't even know, but this one looks and sounds so annoying that she wants him to go away _now_; which is why she adds: "He's pretty tall."

The guy, who, by the way, is wearing a uniform that clearly says he attends the same high school as Battler and all the other boys and girls happily going home, blinks and his smile disappears for a moment.

"Ohhh," he coos, "that's nice of you, but you don't have to worry for me: I'm pretty good at hand-to-hand combat."

Ange can distinctly feel a vein on her forehead twitch. She can't tell if he's just making fun of her or if he's really that stupid, and it unnerves her.

"He's taller than you," she specifies, almost hissing.

"Woah, woah, _woah_! Taller than me? He's got to be a giant then!" He laughs and Ange knows he probably thinks she's lying – he's laughing _at_ _her_. "How come I never noticed such a tall guy at scho—Oh." His eyes lit up and his mouth changes from a grin to a small 'o' and then stretches itself into an annoying grin again. "Now that I think about it, I know someone like that…"

Ange hates herself for gasping when the other steps closer to study her face.

"What do you think you're—"

"Hah, so you are Ushiromiya's little sister, aren't you." If possible, his grin becomes even wider; he must be the type who thinks of himself as pretty sly and likes being right. "I guess I didn't notice earlier because your brother has none of your beauty, little lady," he explains in an overdramatic voice and gives her a ridiculously flamboyant bow. "Name's Juuza, Amakusa Juuza, by the way… Ange-san."

At that, Ange takes a few steps back and raises one hand, ready to strike should this brainless pervert get too close to her again. She doesn't lose her composure, though; not yet. When she talks, she's perfectly calm, icy, even. "Don't use my name so casually: I have never seen your stupid face before."

"Whaaat? I thought young people didn't really care about this sort of stuff anymore? … … Ahaha, I forget that your family is pretty old-fashioned." Amakusa sighs and it sounds almost regretful. "Heh, but even so… I can't help it, since I already know another Ushiromiya… Using your family name would be too confusing, don't you think? Besides, your name's weird but pretty," he adds with a wink.

"Just shut up and think about your own stupid name."

"Ouch, so cold," he mutters faking a hurt expression. "It seems that Ushiromiya failed to mention several important things about you. Except your name, of course."

"Go away."

But Amakusa must be deaf, because his smile doesn't waver and he takes a step towards her.

"For example," he continues as if he had never been interrupted, "he didn't tell us you had such a fiery temper—hey, not that I mind, it makes things more interesting." He chuckles in a way that Ange finds really, really unpleasant. "He didn't even say you were so cute—ahh, that sly bastard made me waste so much time! If I had known that my dream girl was so close to me, I'd have asked Ushiromiya to introduce us right away!"

The ridiculous amount of idiocy and bad pick-up lines makes Ange's head spin. She wonders how many times he must have repeated the same things to god knows how many girls. She also wonders how stupid these girls must have been, because anyone with a brain would have killed the guy on the spot. Which is exactly what she's going to do if he doesn't leave her alone in the next minute or so.

"Just go home." This is his last chance to leave unscathed.

"And leave a young lady like you alone? Never," Amakusa replies with a short laugh. "Your brother won't get out of there for a good while, anyway." He jabs his thumb in the general direction of the school building behind him with a knowing smile.

Ange frowns. "He knows I'm waiting for him."

"Sure. I mean, why wouldn't I believe you. But you see, the Math teacher told him to go to the teachers' lounge after school again. Fufufu… Ushiromiya's a pretty lucky guy: sensei's so popular she has even a fan club. He must be a bit of a masochist to be able to put up with her, though…"

Ange can feel that vein twitch again. "Not only you are an idiot who lacks common sense, but you are also delusional: the only times my brother mentions her at home it's to complain—"

"Ah, Ange-san, you really are cute~" She freezes when he traces her cheek with the tip of a rough finger, "You don't get men at all, do you? Ahhh, so naïve! But that's only to be expected… this little lady is just a middle school student after all, right?" he chuckles and takes her chin between his fingers, tilting it up, "Forgive me, but it's easy to forget how young you are, even with the uniform you wear…"

Trying to decide if she wants to punch him and break his nose, or kick him and break a kneecap (it's a tough choice, really), she asks: "Are you trying to say that I look old?"

At that Amakusa just laughs: he laughs with gusto and – how is that even possible at this point – gets closer to her.

"Not at all~!" he explains with a grin that doesn't look exactly innocent, "It's simply that you've got such a nice body it's hard to believe you are still—GAH!"

One second later, Amakusa finds himself on the ground, clutching his stomach.

"Oh… Hah… Ahahaha, I would've never guessed you were so… strong." Somehow he manages to laugh even if he's in pain. Then he rolls on his back and stares up at something with an eerie mix of amazement and glee. Ange, who perhaps is really as naïve as the other said, blinks once, twice and asks: "What are you looking at?"

"Ange-san, these cute strawberry panties truly suit your pure heart—!"

And if Amakusa wants to add anything else or not, it matters very little, because Ange just kicked him in the ribs, and he couldn't say another word even if he wanted to. She doesn't even check if he's still breathing before stomping away (she knows at this point that waiting for Battler would be useless. And even if it weren't… there's no way she'd spend another minute with this annoying pervert).

Too bad that idiots not only don't catch colds, but if they ever get hurt, they recover pretty fast—too fast.

"Hey Ange-san…!" he calls and jumps to his feet, running after her. "It's not nice to ditch a dying man like that, you know?"

"Idiots don't die even if they are killed, so you will be fine," she says flatly, without even bothering to stop or look at the other.

Amakusa must be even more of a masochist than Battler, because in spite of all the abuse he's received in the last fifteen minutes, he can still laugh. "Are you saying I'm stupid?"

"So you finally noticed…" Ange rolls her eyes—this guy must have hit his head really hard at some point in his life; maybe the nurse dropped him right after his birth.

"Hah, so you want to make me work hard before I gain your favor, huh? What a cruel lady…! Fufufu, well then… let me walk you home…!"

"Wha—" Her feet aren't touching the concrete anymore when she notices that Amakusa's arms are tightly wrapped around her shoulders and thighs. "What are you doing! Let me go! Now!"

"Please, Ange-san, stop struggling so much: I would be very disappointed if you showed your panties to anyone else. Maybe I don't look like it, but I get jealous pretty easily~"

"A… … … AMAKUSAAA!"

… If only Battler had showed up in time, Ange thinks, furious. He was going to pay for this.


End file.
